Hogwarts Cabin Fever
by OliviaOtakuMeowser
Summary: Doesn't the name describe it all?


Okie...........TWO FICS IN THE SAME DAY!! WOWIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OKIE! WELL.................................................ookie. -.-; Like the wise Delacour6 once said, "Everything is mine, except what isn't."  
  
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Harry was walking down the charms corridor when he saw Draco. "Nyeh" Draco said. They were getting bored with their rivalry and couldn't think of insults or anything to annoy one another with. "Well....nyeh." That was the extent of any of their arguments. It was probably the extreme cabin fever that the whole school was experiencing that drove everyone to this level. Some evil thingythingthingthing in the forbidden forest had apparently released some sort of stink bomb. Nobody could breathe it in, so no living soul was allowed to come out. Not even the ghosts.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Dursleys were mourning this turn of events. There were balloons throughout the whole house, and loud music blasting. They were throwing a party to show how muched they missed Harry and how much they wanted him back. Over the fireplace, there was a large picture of Harry that had grafitti all over it. There was a noose around his neck, some devil's horns, a moustache, you know, the usual "adornments" for their "shrine" to Harry. Dudley had lost 21,676,351,435,154,214,536,415,631 pounds thanks to all the dancing he was doing. He was now as small as one of the Creevey brothers. They still didn't make smeltings uniforms in his size. Too bad for him, so "nyeh".  
  
Snape was taking the lockdown quite badly. He began confusing all the students for teachers, teachers for students, students for animals, teachers for animals, students for students, teachers for teachers, animals for animals, and ghosts for toilet paper. Poor Nearly Headless Nick was getting an eyeful when Dumbledore walked into the bathroom. "Ohhhhh....Minerva! Aren't we looking wonderful today...!" Snape said in a what-he-thought-was-sexy voice. He immediatly stripped off his robes and revealed a tight leather outfit. "grrr...." He growled. As you might have expected, Dumbledore was extremely scared. "Uhhh............Snape?"  
  
"Yes, my little pet?"  
"This is Dumbledore." Nick immediately began cracking up at the look on both of Snape and Dumbledore's faces. Dumbledore was weirded out (like this: oO;) and Snape was both confused and embarrased (like this: ;)  
"AAAAUGH!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU??? MINERVA, MY LOVE!! YOU NOW LOOK LIKE THAT FOOL, DUMBLEDORE!!!!!!!! DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU ARE WORKING UNDERCOVER AND HAVE TOLD DUMBLEDORE ABOUT THE FACULTY'S PLAN TO USURP DUMBLEDORE'S PLACE AND KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"No..........I am Dumbledore."  
"Uh-oh........." Snape ran off immediately, scaring all the students in the corridor; he had forgotten to replace his robes. Nick was still cracking up, with tears in his eyes at the situation. He immediately forgot about the disgusting situation that he was in, but Myrtle was quick to remind him.  
"Shut up, you!"  
"AH HAHA! AH HAHA! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Myrtle began laughing insanely like Mandark. "Yes.............." Nick floated away slowly, in fear of Myrtle.  
  
Snape was still running around in his leather suit when he ran into Harry. "Hullo, professor....bleh..." It seemed that all of the student body had gone braindead. "Lovepuff!! My joy!! Please, come to me!!!!"  
  
"Eh? What's that?"  
"COME TO ME MY PRETTY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Harry's eyes widened with fear as Snapes cackle filled the castle. As Snape was laughing insanely, Harry turned and ran. He was running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and running, and......you get the point. Harry found himself in Professor Trelanwey's classroom. "Aaaahhh! Come in, my child!" "YES! PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THE EVIL FIOR...uh...I...mean............. SNAPE MONSTER!!!" Harry's heart (A/N: Haha, those who go to my school will understand that) "My child, my globe has told me of your coming...the fates say that you have come for my help...perhaps...concerning another teacher?"  
  
"Uhh...yeah...WAIT! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?"  
"My inner eye knows all."  
"Really? Where can I get one?"  
"Well...go to the storeroom of the Leaky Cauldron, and ask for Gwenevere."  
"Yuh-huh"  
"Tell her that-don't tell anyone this-'The weasel is massaging the whale with cheese, and it is smelling good, sir' aight?"  
"Yuh-huh"  
"Also, say that SkyMama sent you, and she'll give you one for just five souls...you got that?"  
"But...isn't that a bit expensive...I mean...you don't come across a good sould every day, do you?"  
"Well...I get one every once in a while....but that's besides the point. If you can't afford THAT, then go to this liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii::gasp::iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitle back alley in Diagon Alley, and look for a shop called, 'Miss Spell', ya know?"  
"Yuh-huh"  
"Well, ask for Miss Spell HIMSELF, and say-"  
"Waait aminitwaitaminit.......you're not joshing me, are you? You mean to say that Miss Spell is a GUY?"  
"You thought otherwise?"  
"Well..."  
"Ahh...whuteva...whuteva...just make sure that you tell'im that Lady Rose sent you, and that Katie's gonna score a GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL at midnight, aight? It'll cost you .5 souls."  
"Uhh....okie."  
"Ok, peace out, man!" Apparently, Trelanwey had abandoned her hairy-fairy...ACK! THIS IS BRITAIN!! ahem....hairy-FAERIE voice for a gang member's slang. Why? I dunno, she just did.  
  
Harry cautiously lept out of the classroom to find Snape encircled by a large amount of students. The students were brain-dead, and Snape was insane. He was currently trying to win the heart of Neville. "Oh, my sweet petunia! The love of my life! My-" The true McGonagall walked past. Snape watched in awe as the vision of "beauty" walked past. "Gasp! Look at the wonderful love of my life walk by!!" The circle of eerie-looking students widened to include McGonagall. Neville took his spot in the group. "McGonagall and Snape sitting in a tree. Kay-eye-ess-ess...nyeh." The braindead students didn't feel like making fun of the teachers. They stared blankly at the air, and fell to the ground in unison. (This student body includes Harry, so he, too had passed out.) "Eh? What's that?" Snape and McGonagall looked around as if waking up. They then passed out, too. At that same moment, the whole school passed out. In the Hufflepuff common room, Bob had opened a window and breathed in the fresh air. He, of course, was the first to die.  
  
~~**The Wonder-ifical, Stupid, Morbid End!**~~  
  
Plz R/R!!! 


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